Speechless-edited

“If you love me, just say something!” she told me.

            I stood there, cold and silent. Her eyes were slowly watering, trying not to cry. I should have grabbed her and held her close to my body, remind her that the spark was still there, but I didn’t deserve it.

            Just like how she didn’t deserve me.

            “Just say something!”

            Like a stone cold statue, I didn’t move. I only stared into her beautiful eyes, whereas she only saw ice in mine. I held my ground as she stood there waiting for some type of response. Of course, she wasn't going to get any answer from me.

            She knew what I did.  I wanted to cry, too, but I can’t back down. I had to finish what I started. Whatever it took. She, too, stood her ground, but she was actually doing something. Seeing tears well up in her eyes, I took a step back. Eyes revealing pain, she looked at me as if she had been betrayed.

            And she had been.

            "What did she have that I didn't?" she whispered painfully. I could tell a lump was swelling in her throat just by the way she talked.

            I wish she didn’t have to find out this way. I remember my cell buzzing and it was her. I picked up and I heard anger on the line. She called about how dare I be unfaithful. She told me she saw the messages I had sent to the other girl. Told me that the other girl didn't even know that I was already in a relationship. She called me a monster. Well, she called me a meaner name. I deserved that. No. Actually, I deserved much worse and she deserved much better.

            I was so stupid. I let the perfect girl go.

            She deserved so much better.

            “Do you still love me?” she asked. I wanted to look her straight in the eyes and tell her yes. Yes, I still love you. Yes, I hurt you in the worst way and I can’t imagine how you feel.

            Yes, I will always care.

            I didn’t answer her. I let her stare at me with so much emotion. Pain. Anger. Sadness. Betrayal. Love. Hate. It was a whole roller coaster in her head. She was holding it all in. I knew she didn't want me to see her cry. She didn't want to show any sign of weakness at a time like this. I don't blame her.  Her eyes used to shine like stars, but now they seemed crushed like stones. Believe me, I knew what I did. She looked at me one last time and turned around towards the door. She was gone for good.

            That was the last time I would ever see her. I collapsed in a chair and sighed. Fighting back tears, I sat in silence. There were no words to be said, nothing left to explain. Burying my face in my hands, I felt a lump rise in my throat.

            What have I done?